What have I let myself in for?

I’ve been quiet for the last few weeks, as I’m sure you’ve all been. As a coach, you’d think I’d be jumping up and down about new year challenges but this year, I’ve been turning inward and I’ve set myself a big one!

Next Sunday 30th January, I’ve signed up to walk 26 miles in London for Alzheimers. How did that come about? Well, 3 weeks ago, in a conversation I’d been kinda dared to.

How hard could it be, after all, on city breaks you walk and walk for miles right. I researched a little bit more – 8-9 hours. That’s a long time but at a reasonable pace and with lots of breaks it’s got to be doable.

Then I came down with a cold that went to my chest….. I sounded like an old Hollywood starlet and battled through but couldn’t start any training. That started on the 16th January. Yes, I know. Not ideal.

Living in Devon, and having great friends made that easier and the 5 hour gossip / coffee / training has been so refreshing. I remembered too, as the aches in my body subside, how far my body supports me. It’s going to happen. It’s a flat route, I’m not carrying injuries, there will be lots of people along the way.

But with a week to go, I have been hit with an even bigger test. 

The person that had asked me has had to drop out of the full course for medical reasons. We didn’t have a strong bond and I understand why, and yet this has 10x-d the challenge for me. 

Why? After all, I know that I can walk faster alone, this might mean I’m closer to 7 than to 9 hours?

You see, it isn’t about the physical challenge now, but the mental. 

I’ve been quite open about my inner critic and the damage that she’s caused.  The inner chatter, the inner doubts and the judgement on myself and others. 

You won’t make it.

Change your posture.

I’m so bored.

Go easy on yourself… you’re not 27.

You’ve put on too much weight over Christmas…

How on earth did you think you’d be ready in 2 weeks?

I’m sure you can relate to that. Suddenly, without my walking buddy, I face the prospect of walking with myself. I don’t know whether she’ll turn up as bossy aunty, caring big sister, head cheerleader. 

I suspect the last few days will be around negotiating and bargaining with my brain. 

Holding space for her fears and reassuring her of the prize. 

Calming my mind, perhaps even setting lofty problems for her to solve.

I’ll definitely need that playlist to hand. 

I’ll pack the self-care bundle for after. 

I know this will take faith and courage. It will demand the very best of me and I am going to show up. This will set the scene for the year ahead – the year that I show up.

I share my story, not as a big brag (and why not), not even to raise more funds (although see the link below). I share it because whatever you’re facing, I want you to know that there’s at least one person on the planet that gets it.

I get how you need that big brave posture, and to show yourself that you can do it. I also get the apprehension, doubts and fears. 

I want you to know that I see all of that in you and I stand by you in awe. It’s ok, keep breathing and keep taking those next steps. You’re going to do it and you will succeed. Whatever the outcome is!

You’ve got this…

Claire

PS If you want to follow the challenge or even donate to the cause please visit my fundraising page here. The money I’m raising is going to the Alzheimers Society – a truly courageous organisation helping people and their families through a truly fearful time.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/claire-oatway